10 Ways to Strengthen a Relationship, Backed by Research
Marcus and Dana had a good relationship that had started to run on autopilot. Nothing was wrong. They had spent more time planning a kitchen renovation than talking about each other.
Strengthening a relationship usually has less to do with grand gestures and more to do with small habits repeated over time. Here are ten worth trying. Pick one or two to start instead of all ten at once.
1. Do something new together.
In an experiment by psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues, couples who spent time on a novel, mildly challenging activity together reported bigger gains in relationship quality than couples who did something more routine (Aron et al., 2000). A new trail, a class, or a recipe neither of you has tried all count.
2. Say thank you for specific things
Daily-diary research found that feeling grateful toward a partner predicted better relationship feelings the next day, for both partners (Algoe et al., 2010). Specific thanks work better than general ones: name the thing, and name why it mattered.
3. Make your commitment easy to see
In a study pooling 43 datasets of couples, believing that your partner is committed was the strongest relationship-specific predictor of relationship quality (Joel et al., 2020). Talk about shared plans, keep your word, and let your partner hear you say you’re in this together.
4. Keep a regular check-in
Ten or fifteen minutes a week to ask “How are we doing?” catches small issues before they grow. Keep it light: one thing that went well, one thing to adjust.
5. Protect time with no logistics
Schedules, errands, and bills can crowd out everything else. Set aside a short window each day for conversation that has nothing to do with the to-do list.
6. Learn each other’s current dreams
People change. The goals your partner had five years ago may differ from the goals they have now. Ask what they’re excited about, curious about, or hoping to try next, and listen as if you don’t already know the answer.
7. Build small rituals
A shared morning coffee, a Sunday walk, a goodnight text when one of you travels. Rituals give a relationship a steady rhythm that doesn’t depend on anyone’s mood.
8. Offer support, and accept it too
Strong couples lean on each other. That means offering help when your partner is stressed, and saying “I could use some support” when you need it instead of waiting to be noticed.
9. Repair quickly after rough moments
A sharp comment doesn’t have to become a rough evening. A short repair, such as “That came out harsher than I meant,” gives both of you a way back.
10. Practice handling conflict better
Conflict is inevitable in close relationships, and how it unfolds often decides whether the other nine habits last. Learning to spot the moment a disagreement turns, and to respond differently, protects everything else you’re building.
How to make one habit stick
Choose one item from this list. Tell your partner which one you’re trying and why. Give it two weeks before judging whether it’s working. Small habits need repetition before they start to feel natural.
Safety note: If you feel afraid of your partner, or the relationship includes threats, control, monitoring, or violence, general relationship advice isn’t the right starting point. Contact a domestic violence resource or a qualified professional. |
How Break the Fight Cycle™ Can Help You
If arguments keep undoing the progress you make in calmer moments, Way #10 is the place to start. Break the Fight Cycle™ is a private, self-paced online program. In the Starter Series (Modules 1–3), you’ll learn to: ✓Map how a real argument escalated, from the first spark to the aftermath, using The Escalation Circuit™. ✓Recognize your own escalation style among seven common patterns (The 7 Escalation Styles™), without labeling or diagnosing anyone. ✓Practice C.A.L.M.™ and choose a deliberate response to replace your automatic reaction. No workshops, no group sessions, and no explaining your relationship to strangers. Start Breaking the Fight Cycle → www.relationshiplovetips.com/btfc-launch Practical relationship education for recurring conflict patterns. Not therapy, crisis care, or a substitute for professional support. |
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Frequently Asked Questions
What are 10 ways to strengthen a relationship?
Try new things together, give specific thanks, make commitment visible, check in weekly, protect time with no logistics, learn each other’s current dreams, build rituals, support each other, repair quickly, and practice handling conflict better.
How can I strengthen my relationship quickly?
Start with specific appreciation and one new shared activity this week. Both are simple and backed by research.
Can one partner strengthen a relationship alone?
One person can’t control a relationship. One person’s consistent changes often shift how the other responds, and many couples find that one partner going first makes it easier for the other to follow.
References
Aron, A., Norman, C. C., Aron, E. N., McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. E. (2000). Couples’ shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 273–284. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.78.2.273
Algoe, S. B., Gable, S. L., & Maisel, N. C. (2010). It’s the little things: Everyday gratitude as a booster shot for romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 17(2), 217–233. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01273.x
Joel, S., Eastwick, P. W., Allison, C. J., Arriaga, X. B., Baker, Z. G., Bar-Kalifa, E., Bergeron, S., Birnbaum, G. E., Brock, R. L., Brumbaugh, C. C., Carmichael, C. L., Chen, S., Clarke, J., Cobb, R. J., Coolsen, M. K., Davis, J., de Jong, D. C., Debrot, A., DeHaas, E. C., . . . Wolf, S. (2020). Machine learning uncovers the most robust self-report predictors of relationship quality across 43 longitudinal couples studies. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 117(32), 19061–19071. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1917036117
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•Start the Break the Fight Cycle™ Starter Series
